Today, someone absolutely made my day. In fact, they have made my year. I will be forever indebted to my step-father for emailing me the link to this website. This website will no doubt provide hours and hours of entertainment for me in the upcoming year. In honor of that, I am re-posting one of my favorite blogs from last year. It was a little controverisal, and some people took offense, but I still love it. Also, it was before the seven of you started to read this, so hopefully you haven’t stalked me enough to go that far back into my archives…….
Today at Wal- mart, I pulled into a parking spot and noticed a woman across the way, who was using a crow bar the smash the back window of a jacked up pick-up truck… Carrie Underwood? Nah, just a grandmother who had locked her keys inside. She was breaking the window open so she could crawl though. The best part? Her five year old granddaughter cheering her on…. literally. She was wearing a cheerleaders costume and yelling “break it granny, break it” while jumping up and down like a demented little monkey. Awesome.
So here’s the thing… like it or note, Wal-Mart has become part of Americana. Nowhere else can you buy celery, baby food, toilet cleaner, eyeshadow, a garden hose, throw pillows and a tennis racket while your oil is being changed and you’re waiting for a nail appointment. But here’s the real reason why I love Wal-mart… the other customers.
I first realized how entertaining a trip to Wal-mart can be when I moved to Charlotte. A friend and I decided to make the trip out to super Wal-Mart (this was before they were mostly not super…) for groceries. Now, we did this fairly often, because as everyone knows, it’s super- cheap… what we had failed to remember however, was that this particular trip was right in to middle of NASCAR race week, and the store was just down the road from the speedway. Awesome. To make it even sweeter (if at all possible) it had basically poured the entire week- RVs were stuck in the mud, campsites were flooded and people were filthy. The beauty of Wal-mart? There’s no need for a shower. Rednecks from all over were dragging their tired, screechy kids in, threatening to beat them if they didn’t cooperate long enough to stock up on Mountain Dew, Doritos, and Bud Lite. It was like Jerry Springer, live in action. After that I made at least one trip to Wal-Mart every race week for as long as I lived in Charlotte, simply for the live entertainment…
Everywhere that Steve and I have moved since, I check to see what the travel time is to the closest Wal-mart. I am comforted by the large grey and blue building; I like knowing that if I need something at three in the morning, it will be available to me. Like self esteem… because looking at everyone else in Wal-Mart at three am is guaranteed to help you feel better about almost anything…. In the town we currently live in, Wal-Mart is all the way across town… as in, it takes almost 15 minutes to get there. It is borderline too far, but I rest easy knowing that in just a few years, they will probably tear down some lovely mom- and- pop store on this side of town and build one for me
I know that a lot of small towns fight hard to keep Walmart out… and I get that. Most of the time, I agree with them. Walmarts ARE taking over this country. But, as consumers, we have let them. So I say, embrace the trashiness and head on in… they have leftover plastic 4th of July place mats for a dollar ….