Possible TMI

 I was supposed to have a VP visit my store this week (they skipped me and went to another store instead- I’m completely fine with that). So yesterday, I had to make sure I was completely in dress code. I was running a little late and just trying to make sure my shirt wasn’t too wrinkly (it still kind of was), so I wasn’t paying too much attention to what else I put on.

Which is how I ended up with annoying panties on (hey- I warned you in the title this was Too Much Information…). It is also why I had to spend the all day subtly trying to pull them back up. I spent the entire morning wondering how I was possibly going to make it through his visit with my panties falling down….

Luckily they didn’t come; I was saved the pressure of listening to them yell at me while I felt silk sliding back down my rear. And just in case you’re wondering, this particular pair came in a super cute pink striped bag, from a very well known panty store. Next time? I’ll just stick with the 3 pack with fruit on the tag 🙂

Published in: on September 30, 2009 at 11:40 pm  Leave a Comment  

I Heart Purell

So lately, I have been praying about what seems like an endless list of things. And recently, I added one that I wasn’t sure I should be praying about, but I did anyway…..

I love, love, LOVE our new church. I look forward to Sundays like nobody’s business now. It’s just a great fit for Steve and I, and in case you missed any of my previous posts, (or the whole 1st part of this paragraph, I LOVE IT).

But, I hate how they do Communion. I’m sorry, but it’s just disorganized. I know there’s half a million people all trying to get their wafer and juice, and I know it’s symbolic of something that is just enormously powerful, and it shouldn’t matter, but the whole time I’m waiting in line to get my cracker, I’m thinking irreverent thoughts about how many people may have already touched it. When I get my juice, I worry about not spilling it as I navigate the throngs of people to get back to my seat. It’s so stressful, I have actually considered NOT taking communion, but that would be wrong. So instead, I suck it up, and stress myself out about it.

So I have been praying for a better way for this church to offer it. I am in no way qualified to make these kind of suggestions or claims, but I have just been praying for it to be easier on them, and us, and to be more sanitary. I know there are people reading this that are rolling their eyes and thinking I have no business complaining about this, and I should take it and be grateful. Just bear with me, ok?

So today, one of the pastors had his people call my people (ok, they just called me, I have no people) at Bible-Mart to inquire about Celebration Cups!!!!

What, you might be asking yourself, are Celebration Cups? My friend, they are the greatest invention to Communion, ever…. They are individual cups of juice, with a communion wafer, safety- sealed onto the lid!!!! TOTALLY GERM- FREE!!!!!

It is the proverbial icing on the cake. And it reminds me, that no matter how insignificant, God is still in the miracle business!!!!

Published in: on September 24, 2009 at 9:09 pm  Comments (2)  

Poor Johnny Castle

Want to know the new number one reason that you should support Pancreatic Cancer Treatment Research? Not only did it kill my poor, sweet Papa last year, it took down Johnny Castle this year (for those of you not in the know, that was the name of Patrick Swayze’s character in Dirty Dancing). Not cool, Pancreatic Cancer, not cool.

Dirty Dancing is pretty much one of the best movies… EVER. I bought my first copy (VHS- which is still sitting in the box of movies in one of our upstairs guest room) when I was nine. I bought it with a gift certificate that Papa had given me for Christmas. Some might argue that it was an inappropriate movie choice for a nine year old. Whatever. I watched again last year and I’m still not sure I completely understand all the innuendos.

When Johnny gets fired,  and is forced to leave the Catskill Mountain resort where he taught dance lessons, and he triumphantly returns to perform the last dance of the season, with his kind of dancing, with a great partner, Miss Francis Houseman (because nobody puts Baby in a corner) it was an unforgetable movie moment. I am pretty sure that my cousins and I made a new dance routine to the soundtrack at every family gathering  for many, many years. Years past the time that we should have considered that cool. Even my brother has a favorite part (when Johnny, I mean, Patrick, jumps off the stage and the girl with the dark hair screams her head off). And then, at the end, when Baby and Johnny do the lift they were never able to do before? Movie nirvana.

I am very, very sad that Patrick Swayze died. Not sad enough to stalk his funeral or anything, but sad. He may not have been a critically acclaimed actor, but he (and Jennifer Grey… and her nose… and the guy who played Lenny Briscoe) left a mark on my childhood. Pancreatic cancer is scary, and it’s like a ninja cancer- they usually don’t find it until it’s too late. So eat your beets and your asparagus, and for more info, check out this website: www.pancan.org 

** If you want a purple bracelet, let me know, I have some somewhere in my house, and I can send you one.

God Bless You Patrick. Hopefully you can dance your heart out (but probably not the dirty kind) in Heaven.

Published in: on September 16, 2009 at 10:29 pm  Comments (2)  

Tuesdays :(

I’m having a self-pitying kind of day. I know that’s not cool. I own it. I also know that tomorrow will be better. But I have one hour and four minutes left in this one, so I thought I’d finish it up with a self-pitying kind of blog.

Tuesdays are just no bueno. I’ve not ever really cared for them, but since starting work at Bible-Mart, they have gotten exponentially worse. For starters, I have to work open to close. By the end of the day, my feet hurt. This makes me grumpy.

Plus, the freaks come out. I swear that Tuesdays are lousy for mean customers. Before noon today, I had already been hung up on, yelled at, and just treated rudely by way too many people for that early in the day. Apparently I should be able to place orders without customers needing to pre-pay, we should have a broader selection of piggy banks, it’s not  to necessary to acknowledge my greeting, I should have an endless supply of coupons to give people, blah, blah, blah…

My boss is playing mind games with me, the people I work with (whom I love dearly) struggle with the alphabet,  I found a Jesus action figure (yes, we sell those) that had been decapitated (I still haven’t found the head) and I’m pretty sure someone stole a really expensive Bible. I forgot to put my sandwich in the fridge and now I may get botulism. I also stepped in dog vomit when my alarm went off, and I think my husband is mad at me.

So I’m pretty done. I’m also consider drinking on the job. And I stand by my earlier twitter threat of squirting annointing oil in rude people’s eyes. Yay Tuesday!!

Published in: on September 15, 2009 at 11:19 pm  Leave a Comment  

Goo- Goo, Ga-ga, Mama?

Babies keep staring at me. I’m not sure why. They make me nervous.  I don’t really believe in the whole ticking biological clock thing, so it can’t be that. Sometimes, I think I might almost be ready to have a child, but I think that’s more about the cute stuff you get to buy, as opposed to actually giving birth. Or raising them. Maybe they are staring me down. In their tiny, soft-spotted heads, they know we’re not a good match. And I never know how you are supposed to act around them. It feels weird to be all  baby- talky, so I mostly try to avoid eye contact with them. There were two cute babies in church today, but I swear they were clinging to their parents with all their might, desparately hoping I didn’t get near them. I wouldn’t have anyway. I think it must offend some parents. They get all “oh, are you not a baby person?”. I don’t know if I am or not; I don’t have one. I guess we’ll find out. But not soon- and I’m pretty sure after my relatives read this, they are going to shove a birth control pill down my throat for me…

Published in: on September 13, 2009 at 10:01 pm  Comments (1)  


When you announce to your friends and family that you are buying a really, really, really old house in the country ghetto, you generally get one of two responses.

1st. Really? That’s so exciting!!! That house will be so well built and will have so much character.

2nd. Why? Do you know how long your commute will be? Do you know how much of a mess renovations will be?

What no one tells you is that big old houses in the country ghetto come with GIGANTIC BUGS.

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The bugs we have are ridiculously, enormously, unnessacarily  SUPER-SIZED.

Why? Have they been growing since this house was built in the 1930’s? Is the house located over some kind of radio- active burial site that creates monster bugs? Even our dogs are afraid of our spiders.

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Here is my newest public service announcement….

If you think you may want to buy a really old house in the country ghetto. DON’T!!!! It will be well built, but that will only serve to give the bugs a sturdier home as well. It will have lots of character, but those 10 foot ceilings make killing bugs a huge pain in your rear. You will have a monster commute and you’ll only be coming home to more bugs. The renovation mess? A huge nasty playground for bugs…..

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DON’T DO IT!!!!!! Buy a brand new house in a brand new neighborhood with no trees, fresh sod, and  community pool. Buy the kind of house where you can reach out your kitchen window and grab something off your neighbors coffee table. There’s no need to have your house be one of a kind, Houses like to look like each other. AND YOU WON’T SPEND ALL YOUR FREE TIME BUG HUNTING!!!!!!!!!!

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Published in: on September 10, 2009 at 11:52 pm  Comments (1)  

Wild America

My husband was a victim of the economy this year (oooo, that sounded so dramatic- love it!). And since he was no longer bound by normal workplace dress code, he has wandered around our house looking like this all summer…

Without the bear cub of course (which actually would have been pretty cool…)

For those of you who didn’t grow up with maniacal bambi- hunting fathers, that is Marty Stouffer, from the hugely popular Wild America. Or maybe not so popular….

Anyway, as Steve has a super- important, we-need-him-to-get-this-job-or-the-box-our-new-refrigderator-came-in-is-about-to-be-put-to-good-use, (but no pressure, Baby!!) job interview today, he shaved!!!!

Yay me!!!

Except for the enormous pile of whiskers he left in the sink. Why, oh why, can they not clean these up? And why does having to rinse them out of the sink myself, make me gag?

But, in the end, it was well worth it, because he looks so handsome!!!!!

Published in: on September 10, 2009 at 1:05 pm  Leave a Comment  

The Horror….

So Steve and  have continued to attend the church we tried a few weeks ago, and we continue to LOVE it!!!

My in- laws were here this weekend, along with our 7 year old nephew. They of course, came with us this week. The message was about sex.

Yes, you read correctly. S-E-X. In church. Which is pretty much awesome, but MY IN-LAWS were there. I will now pause this blog so you can take a minute to process the complete and utter awkwardness of this….

Are you OK?

 Matthew didn’t want to go to Kidslife or whatever it’s called and luckily the pastor announced it would be PG-13, so a few people (including my F-I-L had to take kids out). One down, one to go. However, out of the two, if I had to sit there with one of them during this message I would totally choose Steve’s mom….

Did I mention she was sitting in between us?

The message was awesome-  it was tasteful and important and the things he talked about need to be talked about. But it was about sex. Did I mention my mother- in – law was there?

I mean, I’m an adult, and she’s an adult and obviously neither of us thinks the other doesn’t do IT, but still…. no one wants that reminder.

And of course, my stupid sarcastic brain wouldn’t SHUT UP!!! A few different times, the pastor mentioned something, and I would think “I totally do this with your son” while she was probably thinking “I wonder if she does this with my son” …. and we would both giggle nervously and it was not so mature.

So the lesson to be learned here? If your in-laws are in town, try to over sleep and miss church, just in case…..

Published in: on September 8, 2009 at 11:09 pm  Comments (2)  

My Baby

I feel like my baby went to kindergarten today (except I don’t have actual children yet, thank goodness)….

I am referring to the fact that the first ever official “Life’s Recipe” product, in it’s first ever official “Life’s Recipe” box, left my home. Granted, it wasn’t to a paying customer, but it was the recipient’s birthday, and who cares- it still counts.

First, I spent countless hours making these….

Life's Recipe 003

Life's Recipe 006

Life's Recipe 007

Then I put them into my fancy new boxes…

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(I may need to work on my packing skills…)

Life's Recipe 001

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(P.S. Did you notice my pretty new counter-tops? Love em’ !!!!)

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So I know that these are just plain white boxes from the craft store that have slightly crooked alphabet stickers on them. But I spent 35 minutes picking out the perfect ribbon to make a bow from, so I’m going to need you to cut me some slack on that….

Somehow, the boxes made it all a reality. My business cards came in the mail, my website is being worked on, I’ve spoken to a local Christan newsletter editor about advertising space, but the boxes convinced me that this small business venture may actually work….

So if giving this box of yummy pretzels away was kindergarten, then I guess the first box sold will be like graduation? Stay tuned….

Published in: on September 4, 2009 at 11:44 pm  Comments (3)  

I’m getting a nightlight

Ok, so I’m pretty much a huge wimp. I’ve made peace with it- really, I have. I refuse to watch America’s Mosted Wanted, Unsolved Mystery’s, or that show where Jennifer Love Hewitt or Patricia Arquette talk to ghosts.

Recently, I have become completely addicted to Criminal Minds. I am aware that this show has been on awhile, but must be I always worked that night or something. So I DVR’d it last night (because I wanted to watch Glee- which is also awesome). I was planning on watching it with my husband, and then he fell asleep on the couch.

Usually CM isn’t really scary, just pretty intense. I always rest easy though, because they catch the bad guy in the end. (I am also aware that this show is fiction….)

Last night scared the CRAP out of me. And they didn’t catch the guy. And my husband sleeps like the dead, so there was no sense in even trying to wake him up. I had to sleep with the light on, the TV set to Food Network, (because there’s nothing scary abot Paua Deen) and with my Ipod on.

They had better catch that guy in next week’s episode, because my nerves can’t take another night like last night…..

Published in: on September 3, 2009 at 5:20 pm  Comments (2)